Friday, January 27, 2017

That Stamp of Approval

VALIDATION.  It has reared it's head a few times in the past few months, so of course I should give it the AFFIRMATION it is demanding.  DEMANDING.  Validation does that.  It demands;  with love, guilt, anger, passion and even lust.  It's glared at me, and others around me.  It can and does start out as a 'love language', but can take over and throw a person spiraling into Victim Mentality if one does not keep that stinkin' thing in check.

DEFINITION

Validation: to make valid; substantiate, confirm.

That seems so cold.  Mix it up with the heart and soul of a person who has emotion and BAM! You've got a concoction that is living, breathing...and needing....

Some synonyms are: acceptance, affirmation, recognition, stamp of approval, blessing

Validation can be given through Parental relationships, friendships, love relationships, and now especially more than ever, through social media.  I mean, who doesn't check their Facebook status to see how many people liked what their post was?  I can tell myself, (and you can too) that we post because we have something we want to say...give our opinion...share something we think is funny. I can admit that it is quite gratifying sometimes to get a few likes, and positive comments.  Children who grow up with their parents (or even just one parent) validating who, what and why they are, grow up more well-rounded than children who don't.  How many times have we reached out to a friend--and if there is no answer, our heart hurts a bit?

'Words of Affirmation' is one of the 'Five Love Languages'.  If you haven't read the book by Gary Chapman, I would definitely put it on the list as a 'must-read'.  Doesn't matter if you are married or single...it is jaw-droppingly eye opening about how to love someone according to their make-up/personality.  IT IS NOT A WAY TO PROFILE SOMEONE'S PERSONALITY!  It just simply gives you a new perspective.  Most people love others the way they liked to be loved. For instance a person who's love language is Words of Affirmation is more than likely to speak words of affirmation to others...a lot.  Acts of Services is another love language, I know how this sounds... but this really speaks to the servant at heart.  This person will do things, positive and out of love for others...a lot.  This just happens to be one of my love languages.  I love serving/helping. The other day, while I was volunteering, my husband was home on a holiday and decided to clean all of the demolition on the house renovation we have been doing, and clean my whole kitchen.  There must have been 1,000 dishes piled in the sink. When I got home the surprise was overwhelming, and tears came to my eyes. The first thing I thought was 'he loves me'.  Quality Time is another one...this person is willing to not only spend time with you, they turn toward you and pay absolute attention to you. They interact with you, and listen to what you have to say.  This is also how they would like to be loved.  Get the Picture?

Validation.  That Stamp of Approval.  No matter how great or insiginificant, the need and desire for it is ingrained into each of us...into our souls.  But why?

The Beginning

It's gonna get Biblical.  Just warning you upfront.  Candidly speaking, the reason why I went so far back with this, and have put so much thought into it is because that stupid need for approval started throwing darts into my heart--ba@#$%d!

Naturally (for me) I started skimming the Bible for answers.  No joke, it took me straight back to the beginning...literally.  Genesis. After man and woman were created, they disobeyed God.  At THAT instance they were ashamed and felt guilty...because for the first time they were AWARE that they wanted God's stamp of approval and thought they would be rejected. Before sin, before the fall of man, there was no need for validation. We are fractured individuals who live in a fractured world.

There is HOPE.  Things will change, and our need for validation will turn into a continual state of pure gratefulness.  But until then, each of us seek it.  On a large scale or a small scale.

Love Tanks

Gary Chapman, in his book, 'The Five Love Languages' makes an analogy with a cars gasoline tank...and the love gauge of our hearts.  If the car doesn't have any gasoline, it doesn't run well, if at all (haha, most of the time not at all...) kind of the same with humans, except when our 'love tank' is empty it affects our hearts and minds and how we react to people and circumstances around us.  Something to think about.

This is getting long...sorry.  So many thoughts running around in this brain of mine! Just want to say that the act of validating others can help us to be others-centered, which is GOOD! It is when we try to over-compensate that it can turn against us, and then it all becomes about us, which is BAD.

Thanks for listening :) Wait! Is this considered Quality-Time?  hee, hee.

~Until next time~

Reb.

pic found on google images...no name given for credit. ?