Friday, December 16, 2016


pic by Tonya Stinson

I live in a small town surrounded by mountains.  (green with envy? you should be :))) It is beautiful.  Like so many towns, this little town is marked with the first letter of it's name on the hillside, but also a cross. 

You might think this is difficult to see, but as one is entering our town off the highway, it is very visible.  We are located about an hour and a half away from a large city which we commute to on a regular basis to visit family, go to our hockey games, etc. There are 5 or so towns we go through to get from point A to point B.


Since we've been here (a couple of years now) the commute as gotten 'shorter'...meaning we have gotten used to the length.  But there is one 'trek' that never gets shorter...NEVER.  It is the one going home...the time it takes to get from the last town we go through to get to our house.  It is only 26 miles.  So if I'm actually obeying the speed limit..(haha)  it should take 20-25 minutes.  It is the LONGEST 20-25 minutes known to man.  Sheesh!  When I am driving home late at night and it's dark out and I'm T.I.R.E.D. it is worse.


The cross next to the 'C' on the hill at night, lights up.  When I am driving and it is dark and all I want to do is get home...I cannot tell you how beautiful it is to see that cross lit up on that hill to let me know I am almost home!


The next words that come out of my mouth are "Thank God for the Cross!".  And in that moment I am reminded of Jesus.  How he gave His Son, and His life so that we could be forgiven and free.  So that we could know what love really is, and we could live with Him forever.
"I'm almost home!"  Yes, I am almost home.  I'm here temporarily.  There will come a day when my 'address' will change permanently, and I will get to be with Him forever.  With Him.  That is my true home.  Until then, I am reminded of where I am headed....Do you know where  you are headed?

~Blessings friends~

Monday, November 21, 2016


Sometimes I wonder what the hang up is. I wonder how I could know and experience the raw over-the-top grace of Jesus~ flowing all over me ~and still feel like I am in a "barren" place and unfruitful at times.  Every Christian goes through a time of being in the "desert".  The route there is different for each of us, because we are individuals, but alas, the place is the same.

pic by Silvia Ganora/Dreamstime Stock Photo

It's a dry, "barren" time of feeling far away from the Lord. Out of touch. No flowing relationship. A stale time. I know God is still here because, "If you feel far from God, He is not the the One who moved",  and no matter how far I stray, He will never lose track of me. There are times that I get busy or distracted and go for days without praying, or weeks without getting into His word.  Which seems ludicrous since scripture, His word, is my happy place. But it happens. I find myself trying to survive my hectic, chaotic days on praise and worship music which last only for a short while because, how can I praise my Savior if I am out of relationship with Him? The 'love' tank is empty.  Yes, I struggle.


So, I have come to the conclusion (and you have probably seen this before on my blog) that the answer to EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERY. THING. is: Run to Jesus. Oh I know sometimes it can be daunting...or even confusing. In the desert my mind grows stale, my vision grows dim and my perspective shrinks. I wonder sometimes, 'Where do I even start?'  But I have learned that even if the only thing I can say is "Jesus help me", it is enough.  In fact, He loves it. That little sentence gives Him the permission to swoop down and wrap His arms around us. (Permission I say because Jesus is a gentlemen.  He absolutely will not force Himself, His help or His word on any of us.)

I found this scripture in my daily reading plan that might also help with where to start... a step by step of what to do:

2 Peter 1:5-9 and 10-11

"Giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is short sighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. ...if you do these things you will  never stumble."

What that means to me:

With all diligence add to what you believe (without seeing)-goodness and uprightness of conduct.  To this add/have an acquaintance with facts and Truth of God's word~be familiar with it! To this be able to manage your emotions and actions~ in these things continue in a state of grace to the end in spite of difficulties or discouragement.  Not only believe~ but act in agreement to the wishes of God. Be kind to your brothers and sisters and love your fellow man.  If these things abound, you will neither be barren or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.


Verse 9 completes the thought~the reason why verses 5-8 are so important~ "For he who lacks these things is short sighted-even to blindness."

Something (or someone) that consumes our thoughts and makes it difficult to manage our emotions outside of God, causes us to be blind to God. We can't see Him if we see other things instead.

2 Peter 2:19b says 'For by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage."
Those thoughts and feelings can trap us, even if they seem good, or so strong we can't overcome them.  So strong we get lost in them, ~consumed~, then blinded.

2 Peter 1:9b:  "...and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins."
It is difficult to remember just what kind of over-the-top extravagant grace and love God is and has given us, when we are consumed by our circumstances, thoughts and feelings.  It is also easy to live in guilt and shame when we know that those thoughts and feelings are not pleasing to God, they can go against Him and His word ~yet we can't seem to shake them.

*Run To Jesus: flood yourself with Him. Spend time in His word and prayer. No matter how you feel. If you don't know what to do~ just open your Bible! (Ps. 119 is my go-to).

*Concentrate on who He is (not what your circumstances say) ~and praise Him through scripture.

*Get your gratitude on! Be thankful not only for His Saving us from the pit of hell, look around you...even the simple things.  Family, friends, loved ones.  Did you get to take a shower in HOT water today? Do you have food on your plate? Clothes on your back? Are there blue skies outside? Being grateful gets your eyes off of yourself and on to Our Beautiful Father.

*2 Peter 2:28~ "it is good for me to draw near to God."

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Thoughts on Escapism

The Island of Green

Yes this island so plush, so fresh and serene,
makes all that you know seem like hell in between.
It makes you wish and to dream what life would be like
if you didn't have ends that don't meet
or someone to share your bed with at night.

All alone you feel, until you step on the sand
wiggle your toes, feel the breeze, hear the "always green band"
play the tune that is calling your name and so much more.
Who needs real life, when you can tan on this shore? 

But what you don't see in the background
is not a huge giant mountain or a rock without sound.
No, it's a ginormous sponge! Ready to tackle and deceive
you into thinking you're there
innocently in dream!

"What's wrong with daydreaming?
What's wrong with finding my peace?
Why can't I go play on this island of feasts?"
Dreaming is good, being creative is fun
but what you've found is as destructive as Attila the Hun!

That big giant sponge is called Escapism, you see
it absorbs, and destroys your reality.
You've daydreamed and imagined so much
that those that are around you feel that you are way out of touch!
You've developed relationships that don't really exist,
as entertainment, as 'true love', where you are always missed.

This makes you feel good, and coming back for more
until that sponge does the rest of it's most evil chore...
It sticks you into a frame of mind
closing the door, until you finally find
your reality not good enough, yes the battle is won!
not by you or your heart,
but by that big giant sponge!

The relationships, and the love that you once knew
are but memories in the distance as they finally grew
far, far away from that island so lush
they are no longer real, you no longer blush
for the One who held your hand oh so tight,
His touch to you now is a sting and a plight.

Your home is not enough for you now,
your car and your could care less somehow.
The charm of your life is gone
but your past has appeared
you can't stop the blame so much as you feared
Your green grass and the sand on that island
has left you alone
with so much more to demand
and confusion and scorn.

So hats off to what was once known as reality
say hello to your new 'friend' Victim Mentality.
It isolates you, pitifies you, makes you once more
feel alone, even when you set toes on that shore.

The island is dim now, and not green enough...
the air is stifling and you begin to cough
"oh look over there! a new place to be!"
friendless and weak are your wobbling knees
as the cycle starts all over again
and you wince, and you cry as you lose and not gain. 

RL 6/8/16

You will keep him in PERFECT PEACE whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. ~Isaiah 26:3~

For God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power and a SOUND MIND. 
~2 Timothy 1:7~

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your MIND, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
~Romans 12:2~

Be renewed by the One who loves YOU.  Let Him love on you with the over-the-top extravagant grace that He can't wait to shower you with!  Don't be afraid.  Enjoy the perfect Peace that is waiting for Jesus out.  Learn to trust Him.  You will find yourself at peace, when all else is chaos. As always...the answer to every.thing. is Run to Jesus. :)

Wednesday, October 26, 2016


You are the Path that guides this soul
You are the Light that gives hope
You are the Presence that brings joy in the midst of trial
You save me from my thoughts
Please save me from my feelings

Lay low the obstacles
Fill the valleys
Bring me back home again

You are the Sword that fights for me
You are the Shield that protects me
Your breath washes over me
Your Spirit dwells within me

As the world turns to stone
Those that are known by You will have hearts of flesh
We will seek You and we will find You

We call on Your name and You will answer
Praise to the King of kings!
You are the Forgiveness that brings redemption

Yours was the blood that set us free
You are the Key that unlocks shackles
You will bind the enemy
Glory to the Most High!

You will stop him
You will make all things right 
Please come quickly my King
Show me the way, in the morning
Open my mouth when I should speak
Close my mouth in wisdom.

Amen, in Jesus name, Amen


Thursday, October 6, 2016

Lilac Whispers

Recently I was reminded of how much I absolutely love lilacs.  In my new little town that I have been in for a year and a half now, two springs have gone by and I have seen them on nearly every all of their different beautiful dreamy pinks, whites and purples.  They are delicate and lacy. They  come and go with what seems like a blink of an eye, and spring just wouldn't be spring if I couldn't see and smell those wonderful flowers :)

I was listening to a song called "Whisper Softly", and I instantly saw a slideshow in my head...which of course includes lilacs and romance :)  So I made the slideshow come to life and thought I would share it with you along with the song. It's dreamy :)

'Whisper Softly'
by Chasing Furies

Silver shining around your eyes
You thought that you'd lie and wait
For me to walk beside you

Lilacs filling our senses blooming
You thought you'd lie and wait
For me to whisper softly

You are mine
You are mine
And I'm at rest here
You are mine

Moonlight indigo swoons around us
You thought you'd lie and wait
For me to walk beside you

Lyres ebbing their serenade
You thought you'd lie and wait
For me to whisper softly...

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

It's a Progressive thing...(and I'm not talking soup!! :)

You ever meet someone or know of someone? Yep. Me too (haha). Did you ever think that you could know of someone (for a really long time) and NOT know them? Yep. Me too.

I read this long definition...or short article about what theology is from
I was immediately reminded of how I grew up.  I grew up in a cult.

A cult is:
a) an interest followed with exaggerated zeal. and/or...
b) followers of an unorthodox extremist, or false religion or sect who often live outside conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader (like Jim Jones in the '70's) and/or...
c) followers of an exclusive system of religious beliefs and practices

The cult I was raised in falls mostly under c) followers of an exclusive system of religious beliefs and practices.


It was always about the rules. Rules came first. You can't do this, You can't say that, You can't go here, You can't eat that, You must worship on THIS day only...or you just don't love God and you are not and cannot be saved.

So I made a point to follow the rules, ever since I was a child. Of course during my teen-age years and early twenties I rebelled and broke them.  I broke them all.  I was sure I was going to hell and I didn't care. By the time I was 22 I had practically destroyed myself, my mind and any relationships I had then. Some were good, some were not.  The good one's I miss. Then I chose God, He's a good one :)

I'm 43 now, and today as I was reading the definition it made perfect sense.  It's simple.  A complete "DUH!" to most Christians.  It summed up my life and one of the reasons why it was difficult for me as a child to relate to God as a person.


"To study theology is to get to know God in order that we may glorify Him through our love and obedience. NOTICE THE PROGRESSION HERE:  we must get to know Him before we can love Him, and we must love Him before we can desire to obey Him."

"Poor theology, and an inaccurate understanding of God will only make our lives worse instead of bringing the comfort and hope we long for."

THAT'S HUGE FOLKS!!!!!! Read that... and then re-read it!!!!!

I realized that for most of my life I had it backwards.  I was trying to appease God by keeping the rules...I didn't know Him or love Him.  How could I? Rules got in the way!  I was arrogant, self-righteous and LOST! Arrogant? Yes.  If anyone questioned my morality...I could absolutely say "at least I obey the rules"....EWWWWWW!.....AND ICK!! AND YUCK!!!  Makes me nauseous to even think about it.  And it doesn't work.


Get to know God and His deep soul connection with us as a people and with YOU as an individual. Please don't assume that all He wants from you is to follow a bunch of rules.  THAT IS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL!!! He wants a relationship with you....!!!! :)

I mentioned in my bio that I was saved from Seventh Day Adventism when I was 30.  Since then I have gotten to know Him personally. "Attempting to understand God as He is revealed in the Bible"(i.e., Theology).  He reaches the depth of my soul and shows me things I didn't know before.  He shows me answers to my questions.  Like "Really God? why do I even take up space on the earth???"  A few minutes after I had asked that question (while I was driving), I should have been killed in a car accident via a car pile up including a semi-truck.  But when my brakes no longer worked and I closed my eyes (for what I thought was for good...) my car just stopped.  About 6 inches away from the semi that I was supposed to have collided into. He showed me that I was alive for a reason, and that would be something revealed to me at a later time.

We were separated from God because of sin (which the rules couldn't help) He came down here to live with us and be with us.  He died for us, creating the bridge of forgiveness we need to run back into the arms of God.  He IS.  He is the One that answers my heart...even before I pray. He is trustworthy and keeps His word.  He IS forgiveness. He loves me.  He saved me (in a million ways more than just one), and I love Him.  He loves me and I love Him.  That is what is important.  The obeying part just seems to happen as I know Him and love Him.  And do you want to know how He wants us to obey?  Love Him and love others.  So He just circles it right back to love.

There are times when emotions can get in the way.  And even then I can decide to do the right thing regardless of how I feel because I have chosen to dig deeper into a personal study of KNOW Him.  I know Him to strengthen me during those times :)

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Good stuff!! :)

til' next time :)

yes this is a screen shot...but still a very cool pic :)

Monday, July 25, 2016

Mountains and Coleslaw


Just got home about an hour ago from volunteering at the Soup Kitchen. It's pretty hot outside and it was really warm in the kitchen as I was learning how to make soup :) Pretty thankful for A/C right now :) I have to show up at 8am to do this, instead of my regular 10am check-in time.  Not that big of deal, however for someone who has somewhat of an insomnia problem it can be a challenge.  No matter, it is one I am up for.  I asked the Lord to change my heart about cooking.  I have never really liked it all that much.  We have to eat to live... and with all of my food allergies, I am cooking more and more whole foods and from scratch.  It is extremely rare for us to buy something in a box or bag and cook/bake it.  But to like doing it? Meh.

Today someone asked me if I knew how to make coleslaw dressing. It wasn't anything big... just a dressing. And I knew how...I didn't need a recipe.  I actually taught someone else how to make something.  It's simple, but as I was doing it, I realized that I was actually having fun. (WOW!) Now here is the trick ~ I was (and still am) EXHAUSTED this morning.  Usually when I am so tired I don't have fun, I kind of grumble in my heart about having to do something when I am tired and my heart is heavy.  Just being honest folks.

Could this be the Lord changing my heart? Oh how I wish I could have this joy all of the time when I am cooking!  Then of course I started to analyze and over-analyze they why's... 'Is it because I am volunteering?', 'Is it because I am not at home doing this for myself?'...and on and on.

Isaiah 43:19: "Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

I want to feed people. I know that.  There is nothing like knowing that someone is leaving my presence with a full belly.  Nothing else may be going right in their lives, and it may even be an extremely humbling experience for them to show their want or need for a free lunch at the Soup Kitchen.  I know it is an extremely humbling experience for me to serve in any capacity. I love it though, and wouldn't trade it for the world :) When they leave the lunchroom with a smile on their face~ AMAZING! 

I want to be able to look at ingredients on hand, and make food, that will fill and stretch out for a large group of people.  :) Fish and Loaves come to mind.  The disciples told Jesus (during a day of teaching and ministering) that it was getting late and people needed to eat.  Jesus said, "You feed them."  The disciples were confused, and a bit frustrated.  There was about 5,000 men (not including women and children).  That's a lot of people! What did Jesus do?  He asked what ingredients they had on hand.  They found a kid that had 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.  Yeah, Jesus took the ingredients, gave thanks to our Heavenly Father for them, and proceeded to feed over 5,000 people with them. !!!!!  He made it stretch... He performed a miracle! 

The Bible says that if I have faith, even as small as a mustard seed, that I can say to a mountain "move!" and it will move :)

Changing my heart might be a mountain.  Feeding a large group of people from a little something might be a mountain.  Finding joy in cooking might be a mountain.  But I have faith in God that those things can be moved.  Even if it is a little at a time.  Like making a coleslaw dressing. :)

God is good :) and He loves you and I enough to not leave us in the condition we are in :)

Peace friends :)

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Discard the Cardboard!!

So hey,

Saturday morning I noticed that the sun was actually IS July! But in the Pacific Northwest, you just never know when its going to pop its head through the clouds and smile on you...
I went out into the garden and decided to weed these giant tree-like creatures that started to tower over my grapes. 

As I was working I was wondering what on earth I could possibly do to keep these monsters at bay.  I had already spread about 2 ft of grass mulch all over and those nasty boogers shot straight up through the unsuccessful smothering I tried so hard to monitor.  Then I saw them... the large wardrobe boxes I had folded and put by the porch out back.  "I will just cut those up and lay them on top of where I just weeded and 'smother' them that way".  Right?  It should work, no light, no growth... *sigh*


What I didn't take time to consider is that these boxes had been the rain, in the wind...blah, blah, blah and I bet you can guess what happened next... yep you guessed~BLACK MOLD!  I couldn't see it..(I know you're thinking 'Rebecca! it's black!) but honestly I just didn't see it.  

That evening we went over to our friends house to hang out and play darts...and then different monsters came...HIVES!!!!!  ALL OVER! AAAAAAAACK!  I started scratching, unawares, thinking that I had a few mosquito bites from this mornings excursion out in the weed-tree field, but alas I was wrong, I went to the restroom, came back and sadly announced I could no longer stay because the bites weren't bites, but hives and I needed to go home :( 


I decided NOT to go to the emergency room ONLY because the hives were not blocking my air passages.  I could breathe.  I was just miserable.  So I got home and immediately took 4, 25mg Benadryl and told the hubs to please check on me in 45 minutes to make sure I was still breathing because I knew the Benadryl would put me to sleep.

So he checked.  Basically for the next few days... I wasn't hive-free until Tuesday :( no happy 4th for me!  I took Benadryl, and Ibuprofen to help with the inflammation.  It worked.  Slowly.  But it worked. I tried Aloe Vera-right from the plant, baking soda, witch hazel....and they would help for a few seconds... but it was just a waiting game.

Early Sunday morning, about 2am I woke up and my tongue was swollen at least twice it's normal size, my lips were swollen... I looked like a cartoon character! I took more Benadryl (for it had been a little over 5 hours since my last dose) and then debated. 

I laid in bed asking God, "should I wake the hubs up now, and tell him it's time to go to the ER?" But I didn't want to.  I hate the hospital...and could they really do much more than I had already done? So I waited and concentrated on breathing.  And it was a snap really.  My whole head felt like it was twice it's normal size, yet I could still breathe!  So I decided to leave it in the LORD's hands and close my eye's.  Either way the result would be good.  If I woke up...GREAT!  If I didn't wake up....GREAT! I know where I'm going if I don't so if the next face I saw was the face of Jesus...fine by me!!!


It was in those quiet moments, just a few, I was with God, I was not afraid and I knew I could trust Him either way.  So I went to sleep. My symptoms had almost disappeared by morning, and by the next day it was almost like it had never happened. 

I think it's kind of a miracle that I'm telling you this story right now.  I'm thankful that during what could have been the scariest moments of my life...I could call on Jesus and talk to Him about it. I wasn't alone, and I knew it without a doubt.

Also, don't trust cardboard or any porous material if it's been left out in the weather for a while!  Those tiny stinkin' little spores of mold will get you! I had a long sleeve shirt on, gloves, jeans, and boots on...and it still got me! All you have to do is breathe it in... so now I have to throw my boots and gloves away, and wash the daylights out of my clothes. And DISCARD THE CARDBOARD!

Until next time my friends :)

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Not everybody can be an eye-ball!!

 I found this list among my notes on my Facebook page. I wrote it about 6 years ago.  I added it to one of my blogs because it will probably make it a bit easier to know where I am coming from and what I like/dislike. I use to think I was a failure because I am an introvert.  You know, not a people person, not able to talk to just anybody without a reason. In order to recharge, I need quiet time at home. I use to think I was a failure because I moved around so much....ALL. MY. LIFE.  But get ready for this...

God made me an introverted person. 

He knew exactly who my parents were going to be, why I would move so much in my life and what would become of me.  It's totally okay that I need quiet time to recharge. (as opposed to extroverts who recharge by being around other people). There are several times in scripture that Jesus himself sought solitude to be with the LORD and regroup. 

Not everyone can have the same gift...1 Corinthians 12:13a...For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body...12:14...For in fact the body is not one member but many...12:17...If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling? 12:21...And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you".   

All that to say, we can't all have the same gifts. I have learned my gift is in helping others.  You are probably saying, "isn't that what all Christians do...or should do?" and yes, however, God makes me good at it.  I am great at being in the background, making sure things go smoothly.  God has also put in my heart the desire to feed people. Guess what that means to this introverted soul?  I have an 'in' to talk with people. ANNNNND....I get to take care of them at the same time!!! SCORE! God has also given me the ability to pray...for hours.  People ask me what I can possibly pray about for that reply? EVERYTHING! Not even joking on that one!

There are those that can walk into a room and become everyone's best friend in a matter of seconds.  They are the life of the 'party' and usually are very creative and can express themselves well.  They are good at being in the forefront.  They play musical instruments, paint, design, speak...even make great sales-people.

and it is OKAY that I am not one of those people because God didn't make me to be.  And if He ever wants me to be, I have faith that He can do that johnny-on-the-spot.  So this chick is not worried about it!

SO! Look at who you are, and recognize who God made you to be. Your past experiences are testimonies of God's strength and the beautiful person you are.  

I hope this list encourages you to come up with of your own.  How has God rescued you? How can you tell someone else about it? Speaking? Writing? Singing?

 Here are 25 things you didn't know about me:

 1. I was born in California and lived there until I was 8 years old.

2. I was a Seventh Day Adventist for 30 years but didn't really know Jesus until I was ready for Him to and asked Him to show me the truth in His word. That was just 5 years ago (currently in 2016 it has been 12 years). (WOW) That was one of the most amazing experiences in my life.

3. I worked at a Piggly Wiggly for not quite a year.

4. I love to sing.

5. I have never been out of the United States, unless you count Canada or Tijuana, Mexico .

6. I have 2 brothers I have never met.

7. I can't get to sleep at night unless my feet are warm and cozy.

8. I am naturally a pessimist, the glass is always half empty.

9. Cooking has become a hobby because of my many food allergies and intolerance's.

10. I don't know how I would have made it through this life without music.

11. I am not afraid of snakes or spiders.

12. I was delivered from smoking cigarettes when I was 21 years old.

13. I use to absolutely hate food, and wished that they would just invent a meal-in-a-pill so that I wouldn't have to chew.

14. I love old musicals and old twilight zone films.

15. I love poetry.

16. I love the look, smell and feel of a clean and organized drafting board.

17. I am drawn to fantasy movies, where the unexpected is around the corner, good always conquers evil, and dreams come true.

18. I am not a people person.

19. I was born deaf.

20. I was always the tallest kid in the class until high school. Then I was one of the tallest.

21. I never played sports. Not even basketball.

22. I never run unless there is an emergency. I don't see to many joggers that smile.

23. On my first date with the Hubs, I made sure to wear heals, just to see if he would still be taller than me. (yes)

24. I love the color orange in sunsets and flowers.

25. My 'happy place' is in the middle of my open Bible with reference books, notebooks and of course highlighter pens surrounding me :) Bet you probably could have guessed that one though! :)

Sunday, May 22, 2016

A Clean Slate

God has thrown a white clean robe of righteousness over my shoulders.  He buttoned it up, and it fits perfectly. He bought it specifically for me at a tremendously huge price.

He told me that once I am His, He would transform me…renew my mind, help me to see things in a New Way.  His Way.  

So why do I feel like a "white washed tomb"?  Inside there is not much of a person.  I always say that I am a woman who, when I feel, it is deeply. I read a quote that says "what is closest to your heart is what you talk about…and if God is close to your heart, you will talk about Him." ~A.W. Tozer.  It made me think what exactly IS closest to my heart?  And why can't I seem to regurgitate it?  

My Facebook page is inundated with pictures, mostly meme's and quotes that someone else has said. SOMEONE ELSE.  They are great points and I wouldn't post them unless I agreed with them 100%.  I asked myself, why didn't I say that?  Why couldn't I come up with that?

I can and I did.  But not without taking a break. I took it into prayer.  I was pretty frustrated.  I had all of this information running round and round in my head…and it felt like it was just staying there.  "I have to get this out, Lord."  You know what He said?

"Practice sitting in My Presence."

Everything becomes so much clearer when I concentrate on Him and His Word. I read some of Psalms and noticed HOW it was written.  Beautifully, flowing words like a river, and my heart just ached for that.  So I made myself a promise.  I would not post anything unless it was a genuine thought of mine. God-centered or otherwise.  No pics with meme's or quotes.  I also cut down on the amount of Netflix I watch, and picked up a couple of books instead.

I have a copy of 'Jesus Calling' daily devotional by Sarah Young that I try to read everyday and write in my prayer journal with the scripture passages.  I've been reading through the gospels as many chapters as I can at once because I have found that it gives a much wider perspective and picture of what's happening. 'Screwtape Letters' by C.S. Lewis., and 'Absolute Surrender' by Andrew Murray.

I feel like I've started with a clean slate. Media keeps us connected to others, but it also can hinder the brains genuine creativity.  It can help us to think, but not to actually do… to practice something. There is a person inside…but to much information and no productivity makes for a dull person… The emptiness can be consuming and it hit me all at once.

I broke my promise.  I got onto Facebook and wrote my thoughts about a profound quote I came across. No pictures though…no meme's. Just what it meant to me.  Then during one of my insomnia/insane awake hours in the night, words started in my head and this is what came out:

A big ol' pot 
Of truth and lies 
And lows and highs
Gets bubbling hot
That sticky pot!
And as that spoon swirls round and round
He lifts me up and puts me down
"Be careful daughter
That you don't lose sight,
Of the goal I set before you right"
I climb back up and jump back in,
Even though I am wearing thin.
You see,
without that pot and boiling brew
I'd be left cold, and unattended to.
My brain would fog,
My heart turned stone
No where near His beautiful throne.
And that I simply can't afford,
So thank You for the heat Dear Lord
That makes me grow and bear good fruit
And hopefully makes me quite astute
To send me to the world and love the way You did, and would and have. 

We wrote it together, the Lord and I.  It's the second poem I have written in my entire life.  So maybe this will only happen every 20 years or so.  But it happened.  I feel alive again :) I keep praying for His life and truth to flow through me like a river.  I don't want to be a lake anymore. And because He is alive and inside my heart, I don't have to be :)

Monday, May 2, 2016

The Past 2 Years.

It's been about 2 years since my last blog.  We moved from our home in the woods to a small town (population about 5,000) where the hub's is at a permanent job and is loving every minute of it.  I too love this small town.  I grew up in large cities my whole life and have discovered that although I may not be a country girl (i.e. living in the woods), I am a small town girl at heart. There is definitely country around us...mountains, trees, lakes, fields, know rural. Which I love, but I also like being 5 minutes away from the grocery store too :) We have bought a home and have sort of set down some roots.  I say sort of because we always end up moving.  Even if its in the same town, we move.  *sigh*  My neighbors are wonderful, although one of them have put up their house for sale. They are looking for a ranch style home, so she doesn't have to climb the stairs all of the time and risk a fall.  

In the past couple of years we moved into a rental home while trying to find a home to buy here and stayed in that house for about 3 months.  That was hellish to say the least.  We had a moving company pack and move us at the expense of the office my husband now works with.  It was the only way we could do it in the amount of time given to us to move.  **IF YOU HAVE A CHOICE, DO NOT GO THROUGH A COMPANY AND HAVE THEM PACK AND MOVE YOU**** worse decision I felt I could make.  It is a horrible mess, that I am still trying to sort through and I am still missing some things. NOT WORTH THE HEADACHE.  

I also received a call about a part time job a couple of months after we moved in here, and was off and running…almost literally.  I signed a year contract, but ended it 6 months into it.  It wasn't a good fit, and the commute into the 'large city' where I used to live was ridiculous.  I have to say though, that through that job, I was able to reach out and volunteer in my new community, and also was reminded or reassured of the desire that the LORD put into my heart a few years ago, I like to and want to feed people. So thankful for that spark put back into my heart.  I have been volunteering at the community church down the street, and serving free lunch at the soup kitchen…also helping prepare it, once a week.  I LOVE it!  The people I have met there have not only become friends of mine, but on Monday's I consider them my church family.  I see/serve mostly the same faces each week, and today I received some sad news that one of them is on the move. :( I'll miss him a lot. Monday's are the highlight of my week, and he is a bonus.  A wealth of love and knowledge for the Lord, an abounding personality that the Lord uses to draw people into him so they can hear the good news of Christ Salvation.

Fire season was incredible last year and we can only see it coming through again.  If it doesn't rain in June, then we will be hit.  Last year fire camps were set up at the college and elementary school down the street, and smoke filled the air.  I remember stepping out onto our front lawn, looking to my left and seeing the small mountain next to us a flame, smoke billowing out from the sides and top.  It was pretty scary.  About a month later I was driving up the highway at night time, looked to my left and pulled over (with the rest of the vehicles astonished by the sight).. The whole mountain was a blaze….

Not a very clear picture from my iPhone, but it was still very scary.  I watched as the fire quickly wrapped itself around the trees, crackling and headed straight down the mountainside to a farm, where we frequently bought our fresh food from.  Luckily it was stopped in time, but these are sights I won't soon forget.

I am not sure where I will be going with this blog.  And I am okay with that.  I am still volunteering, working at home, still paper crafting, gardening, playing darts and cheering on the Spokane Chiefs Ice Hockey in the winter seasons.  We are going to have to do A LOT of rennovating to our little fixer-upper home.  So I feel like the time is good to start speaking to the public again.  :)

Until next time!